I Can’t Run Away From the Girl Who Saved Me - Chapter 217



217 – Epilogue – Forgiveness (1)

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The sound of grasshoppers chirping noisily.

The beautiful chirping of birds.

The sounds of life, which had become increasingly difficult to hear when living in the forest, were echoing everywhere under the hot sunlight.

Again, summer has come.

“It’s gotten quite hot.”

I was climbing the hill, muttering to myself.

Today, I planned to spend time on this hill overlooking the Goldfield Estate at a glance.

It was the same yesterday, and the day before that.

It’s already been half a year since I returned home and was revived.

I’ve spent most of the last half year here.

Getting up early in the morning, cleaning the cemetery for half a day, then climbing up the hill to enjoy the view until the sun sets.

That’s how my day goes by.

It may sound boring when you hear it, but it was surprisingly very enjoyable.

The sounds of insects and animals coming from all directions.

A breeze carrying fresh warmth.

And the plains of Goldfields, which change their appearance little by little every day.

To me, those landscapes felt like works of art filled with the grandeur of life and nature, so I never got bored.

“… under,”

Life and nature.

Maybe that’s why.

My life has been extended by a false life, and this body is by no means a natural being.

That may be why we long for that beauty even more.

“…I wonder if Sister Maria felt this way too.”

I’ve been thinking of Sister Maria a lot lately.

She had first experienced the evil spell of the Demon King that brought me back to life.

I still remember it vividly.

The image of my older sister being manipulated like a puppet by Balder.

And even the sight of me burning her like that.

“…”

When I reached the top of the hill, I sat down on the swing hanging from a large tree branch in silence.

It was originally broken, but I fixed it.

When I first built the swing, it was for Layla, but when I fixed it up, it was for me.

A rough wooden board that hasn’t even been sanded properly.

In this vast world, only this plank was meant for me.

The mansion was already filled with traces of its mistress, Sylvia.

From the bedroom to the kitchen, her scent and touch are everywhere.

Actually, my body is like that too.

I still remember her hands and lips brushing every inch of my skin.

As I had hoped, the mansion became her new home.

Just as I wished, I became hers.

But ironically, the person I am now is something I never wanted.

A life that is virtually no different from that of the undead.

Artificial life and unnatural bodies.

I knew very well that the life of a human being who has acquired an immortal body is full of nothing but suffering.

Because Sylvia did it right away, and so did Sister Alice, and so did Sister Maria.

Perhaps the reason Sylvia leaves me alone, even though she knows I’m spending all my time on this hill, is because she feels sympathy for my situation and a little guilt for having made it so.

“ha…”

I rested my chin on my hand and looked out at the vast plain, surrendering myself to the swing’s swaying movements.

Even the wind brushing against her skin beneath her thin clothing felt hot, and when she touched her ashen hair with her palm, it felt hot, so it must have been quite hot.

However, I didn’t feel the heat.

Not only was it hot, but I didn’t even shed a drop of sweat.

This body didn’t have that function.

“…”

At that moment, I heard a rustling sound behind me.

Tsk,

The hesitant movements behind me suddenly stopped at the unusually sharp tongue-clicking sound.

I sighed and slowly opened my mouth.

“Are you spying again?”

“…”

“I said it yesterday… It’s okay. You can come here.”

“…”

“Come here.”

As I spoke with some emphasis, the sound of light footsteps on the grass slowly became audible.

Footsteps that are filled with hesitation.

But even if you hesitate, you won’t stop,

After a few minutes, the footsteps were right behind me.

“Don’t stand behind the swing, come to the side.”

“…”

“Please answer.”

“… huh,”

She answered in a crawling voice and came crawling closer to me.

It was a voice I heard after a long time, I thought.

I hadn’t turned my head toward her yet, but already at the edge of my vision I could see a small, awkwardly wagging finger, not knowing what to do.

I asked with my eyes tightly shut.

“Why did you follow me again today?”

“…”

“I follow you every day, but I don’t really talk to you.”

“…”

“What, are you worried that a monster might attack you? You know very well that there’s no such thing here.”

“.,.”

“Don’t you have something to say?”

“…”

“Ha… Pia.”

I slowly turned my head towards Pia.

Pia lowered her head in surprise, as if she didn’t want to even make eye contact with me.

“…what do you want?”

Pia didn’t answer and just wiggled her fingers.

Even this frustrating sight had become familiar.

He had a naive personality and would constantly grumble when he was dissatisfied.

Pia, who was a spirit but seemed like a very ordinary girl, became mute in front of me and couldn’t say anything.

Of course, I knew very well why she became like this.

It must be because of the guilt of participating in the ridiculous things Sylvia did.

If you’re going to feel this intimidated, you might as well not do it.

I continued, shaking my head.

“I told you not to follow me. You don’t have to follow me anymore.”

“… that,”

I kept my mouth shut.

Even without saying anything, it seemed like my whole body was expressing my dislike of hearing any more.

It was clearly a hot day, but the chilly air seemed to settle heavily around us.

“.,.”

“Oh, no.”

Let’s just stare at Pia, and she swallows back what she was about to say.

I opened my mouth again in a low, heavy voice.

“Pia, you know. Now you…”

“… no.”

This time Pia interrupted me urgently.

I answered with a laugh.

“what.”

“… Ash,”

“What’s wrong?”

“Please, don’t say that. No, no… don’t say that.”

A gurgling sound was heard in Pia’s throat.

Soon, her voice seemed to become moist, and soon, large drops of water began to roll down her cheeks.

I stared at the fox spirit, who was wiping away tears with the back of her tiny hand.

Pia, who had drunk my blood and turned into an adult woman during her journey to defeat the Demon King, had now turned into a ten-year-old girl again.

Her body, which had grown rapidly with my blood and love, has been shrinking over the past six months.

It almost seemed as if I was aging backwards.

Even I, who didn’t know much about spirits, could understand why Pia’s body was shrinking.

“What do you mean, Pia isn’t my guardian spirit anymore.”

“Ash… ugh,”

Pia was no longer my guardian spirit.

The moment I died, the invisible bond between Pia and me was completely severed.

Of course, Pia was still a spirit, and I was still a spirit sorcerer in this body, but we were no longer connected, and Pia’s body, which had grown under my influence, began to shrink again.

My heart was weakened by Pia’s sobbing, so I tried to speak in the softest tone possible.

I slowly opened my mouth, gripping the swing’s strings as if I was going to tear them apart.

“Pia… I told you that you could live freely. That you could go wherever you wanted. You didn’t have to be tied down to me. That’s what I told you.”

That’s what I said to Pia the week I came back to life in this body.

Soft tone and content.

But those words clearly had a cold and sobering meaning.

It was a subtle yet firm statement that I didn’t want to see you anymore.

Pia, who of course understood what it meant, shook her head vigorously as she had done back then.

Droplets of water that had barely hung on the tip of her chin fell to the ground with a pitter-patter.

“no…”

“Pia.”

“Please, Ash… I just..,”

“Please, don’t say anything about wanting to stay by my side.”

“…!”

“I already heard that excuse… on the first day..”

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“… Ahh… Ugh, I’m sorry…”

I covered her mouth rather cruelly.

Pia slowly sat down on the floor and hugged her knees.

When I looked down, I realized that the piano looked so small.

Even though I was sitting, Pia’s slender, swaying back was so low that I could barely see it if I bent my head down.

“… shit,”

I sweared and shut my eyes tightly.

I’ve been holding it in until now, but it finally exploded today.

Actually, there was no need to hurt me this much.

“…”

What good would it do to be angry at Pia?

The action has already taken place.

That was half a year ago too.

I understand in my head that it’s not right to keep bothering her about old things that won’t change no matter what I do.

I could understand their decision with my heart, knowing full well that Sylvia and Pia had brought me back to life because they loved me so much.

But, even though I completely understand it both rationally and emotionally, why can’t I forgive them both?

Why do you spend time on this hill as if you were protesting to Sylvia, even though you know you’ll have to return to the mansion anyway when night falls?

Why are you hurting Pia like this over something that’s already over?

I really don’t want to do this, but this childish venting just doesn’t seem to be ending.

If I didn’t do something like this, if I couldn’t even express this little complaint, I felt like my chest would burst with suffocation.

This was because it was closer to an instinctive rejection than a feeling of reason or emotion.

Of course, I knew where that rejection came from.

Despair at the fact that I was no longer human, and anger that my child was sacrificed to turn me into this monster.

That’s why I couldn’t forgive them both.

“…”

But in the end, everything will become meaningless in the face of time.

As time has turned the warrior into a beast starving for human warmth,

Just as time transformed the mischievous young lady of the Goldfield Estate into the warrior of the Holy Sword.

I, too, will eventually have to forgive both of them someday.

In fact, it’s already halfway there.

My anger has already been greatly reduced compared to the beginning.

Well, that can’t be helped.

Half a year after being revived.

Over the past six months, I’ve heard countless apologies from Sylvia, and I’ve had s*x with her just as often.

I tried to act as if I was a corpse, as if I had just been destined to face that fate, but Sylvia held me gently without any complaints.

Even if they were arch enemies, if they got along like that, they would feel affection, so it goes without saying that it was even more so if they were lovers from the beginning.

Pia, too, has been hanging around me like today for the past six months, pushing herself and suffering.

At first, it seemed hateful that he couldn’t speak up because he knew the mistake he had made, but now it felt even more pitiful.

Now, her small body, which no matter how I looked at it, looked like a child, pricked my conscience even more sharply.

“under…”

I don’t know.

I’ve been holding back well so far, but why did you push Pia like this today?

Is it today?

I got really angry once, so maybe it’s time to forgive her now.

Is it right to forgive like this?

Is this all my anger is?

No throwing of objects, no violence,

Would it be an appropriate anger to my despair to just keep my mouth shut for a few months?

I wonder if I’m a huge idiot or a coward.

Various thoughts swirled around in my head like the clumsy juggling of an inexperienced clown.

“… Pia.”

“Ash, I’m… I’m so sorry… I know you don’t want to hear it… but I can’t forgive you no matter what I do…”

“Pia.”

“But I really… I really am sorry…”

Pia bowed her head at my feet and trembled like an aspen tree.

Is it that she can’t hear me calling her, or does my voice sound like a urging?

I placed my hand on her trembling shoulder and called her name again.

“Pia.”

“…”

As soon as my hand touched her, Pia’s trembling subsided.

“…”

“…”

Ha, I don’t know. Me too.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“…”

“Pia is no longer my spirit, but can you grant me one favor?”

Pia thought about it for a while and then shook her head up and down with difficulty.

Her face, which she lifted with difficulty, letting out a deep, heavy sigh, was so solemnly filled with painful determination.

Perhaps he had imagined that it was some kind of request, something like, “Don’t come near me again, or don’t talk to me again.”

I said with a hollow smile.

“Push the swing. With the wind.”

“… uh?”

Pia asked back like an idiot.

“That’s… what…”

“Can’t you do it?”

“… Ah, no, no! I can do it! I will do it.”

Pia jumped up and came towards me.

I patted Pia’s head like that.

The fox’s large ears, compared to its small head, flapped like wings and tapped the back of my hand placed between them.

＊

It was only when the sun was nearing the horizon that I slowly lifted my butt off the swing.

Sitting on a swing all day and looking out at the scenery might seem boring to others.

In fact, we didn’t even exchange a single word while Pia was blowing the wind and pushing the swing, so to others, I might have looked like a crazy person who was crazy about swings.

But Pia didn’t seem to have any complaints about me.

Rather, her face was gradually regaining its former smile.

“ruler.”

As I walked down the hill, I reached out my hand towards Pia and she grabbed both of my hands with the aforementioned expression.

As the little child’s two hands quickly entered my hands, I saw a happy smile overflowing across the childlike face.

Was it really that happy to just share time with me?

Although I felt very sorry for Pia, I suddenly realized that I also enjoyed spending time with her.

“…”

Okay, forgive me.

Me too, Pia too.

And Sylvia too.

.