I Can’t Run Away From the Girl Who Saved Me - Chapter 218



218 – Epilogue – Forgiveness (Complete)

＊

Whenever I returned to the mansion after spending time outside and the sun had set, a strange atmosphere always greeted me.

It was filled with cozy lights, but at the same time, there was a strange tension.

The air was filled with the fragrant smell of food, but at the same time, a pungent gloom hung in the air.

and,

“Ash!”

A voice that was beautiful yet full of sticky emotions greeted me.

“You worked hard today.”

A wife who had been making excuses for her husband, who had spent the whole day outside looking at clouds floating around, came to me with the expression ‘suffering’.

Sylvia opened her mouth without waiting for my answer.

It was as if it was obvious that I wouldn’t say anything anyway.

“It’s already past dinner time, but I’ve been waiting for you today as well.”

Sylvia said, emphasizing the word ‘today too.’

I guess that wasn’t intentional.

In fact, she waited for me to come back every day.

After leaving the mansion early in the morning, I decided to have dinner with him, skipping breakfast or lunch.

The table was far away, but judging from the delicious smell of oil wafting out, she must have been out hunting again today.

If my job was to tend the cemetery, her job was essentially to prepare this dinner.

But I haven’t had dinner with her in months.

He would always pass her by with blank eyes and go back to his room.

One time, Sylvia couldn’t stand it anymore and forced me to sit at the table, but I just stared at her.

It was a kind of childish protest.

Don’t you know that your body doesn’t need to eat anyway?

Have you forgotten that you were created with a body that doesn’t need to eat?

That’s all.

Did you kill our child because you wanted a married life where you couldn’t even have a nice dinner with your husband?

As I stared at her with that expression, Sylvia couldn’t make any more demands on me.

I watched her slurp and choke on food, and when the meal was over, I got up first and went into my room.

I remember that day, when I tried to ignore Sylvia’s crying, the stairs felt steeper than usual for some reason.

I also clearly remember that day, Sylvia came into the bedroom much later than usual.

Yes, even in the midst of all this, we shared a bedroom.

In fact, at first, she hated even sleeping in the same room, but Sylvia wouldn’t give in on that.

When I tried to go to another room, she would forcefully control my body, lay me down on the bed, and take off my pants.

I kept my mouth shut and sent another resentful gaze towards her as she fell upon me.

“Yeah… Ash.”

“…”

“I know you don’t eat dinner well… but… that,”

A bright voice that is forced out.

However, the expectation that his wish would come true had already subsided.

“Today, wouldn’t you like to eat together?”

Sylvia asked in a weak, crouching voice.

What she was waiting for was not an unexpected answer, but the rejection that always came.

“…”

I looked at Sylvia silently.

I see her face sinking heavily.

A sumptuous dinner prepared with all my might every day in this world where everything is ruined, despite my cooking skills being inferior to yours.

Knowing that I would be rejected anyway,

Without even expecting them to accept it.

Why did she work so hard to prepare dinner?

Why do I so foolishly repeat my feelings that will never be conveyed?

“…”

I still loved Sylvia.

Even though I hate her so much, and it is painful and scary, deep down in my heart, I still feel affection and sympathy for her.

The guilt I felt every day as I coldly rejected her suggestions was proof of that.

“…”

Let’s forgive.

Since she had made that promise, Sylvia must have been suffering enough.

Now is the time to forgive her.

I think so, but for some reason my mouth doesn’t open easily.

At that moment, Sylvia spoke first.

“Yeah… Okay.”

While I hesitated to answer, Sylvia smiled weakly and said,

“Go into the room first. I…”

“…”

“After… cleaning up the meal…”

Sylvia couldn’t continue speaking.

I closed my eyes tightly and avoided her expression.

Ugly guy.

I’m such an idiot who can’t forgive or get angry, so I’ve caused so much suffering to the people who love me and the people I love.

Even though I went all the way to catch the Demon King, I still haven’t improved one bit from the weak me who lived in the forest.

… now it’s done.

It’s time to stop this pathetic behavior.

Having made that resolution, I slowly took a deep breath.

“… today.”

“…!”

Sylvia raised her head with wide eyes.

I too slowly relaxed my tightly shut eyes and continued speaking.

“What’s on the menu?”

“ah…”

“…”

“Ah, ah, deer, deer. The deer in this area are bigger and more tender than those living in the forest!”

“okay.”

“There’s a lot to eat…”

“… Let’s eat together. Today… No, from today onwards,”

“,,,!”

Sylvia just stood there frozen.

Her jewel-like blue eyes seemed to swell and bulge.

Looking closely, I could see that the water was rising.

As Sylvia blinked her big, pretty eyes, a large drop of water broke and poured down.

I slowly approached Sylvia.

“Sorry.”

I said, hugging Sylvia and her back.

Sylvia slowly raised both her hands and barely placed them on my waist.

As if he couldn’t bring himself to hug her carelessly.

Then he slowly lowered his forehead on my shoulder and opened his mouth with a trembling voice.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Ash… It was my fault…”

“… Yeah, Sylvia was wrong.”

“I’m sorry… Thank you… I thought you wouldn’t talk to me first again…”

“,,,”

“… It was so scary… I was scared of Ash leaving,.. and even though I did that… I was still scared of Ash trying to leave me…”

“huh…”

“I wanted to live with Ash… but Ash still wanted to die… no, I made Ash want to die…”

“At first… that’s what I was going to do.”

Only then did Sylvia hug me tightly.

From noble mtl dot com

A hug that feels desperate, like trying to catch sand slipping through your fingers.

No, it was more of a hug, closer to hanging on than holding.

“why…”

“huh?”

“Why… did you forgive me?”

“… When will I forgive you?”

“Ugh…”

Sylvia swallowed deeply, shut her mouth, and froze.

It seemed like he was blaming himself for his own slip of the tongue.

It’s not her fault.

In fact, my attitude was so ambivalent that even I couldn’t figure it out.

It was difficult to completely hate her, because her terrible acts were originally motivated by a longing to see me again.

At the same time, I felt too bad for myself, Sister Maria, the Demon Boy, and our child who disappeared without even being given a name, to completely forgive her.

I was simultaneously attacked by the criticism that I had ignored her for half a year, and the question of whether that was a sin that could be forgiven with just that much pain.

Both are valid opinions, and in the end the choice was entirely mine.

I came to a conclusion.

To not forgive, and to love her whom I cannot forgive.

In fact, I knew that the moment I chose love, it was already as good as forgiving.

I feel like strict moral standards are chastising me.

But, if you look at Sylvia’s face, you will understand that it was an inevitable choice.

That desperate face fidgeting and checking my mood.

I laughed because the sight of that strong warrior being so foolish was so funny.

She could pressure me all she wanted, and force her love down my throat.

Without using threats or violence, he could literally do whatever he wanted with just a snap of a finger.

But she didn’t do that.

I could no longer ignore her, who sincerely asked for my love and forgiveness.

“I really hate you so much, I hate you so much I can’t even look at you.”

“…”

“But I still don’t hate it. What should I do?”

“Ah, ahh… ugh.”

Something hot and wet touches my shoulder.

I quietly hugged Sylvia’s head like that.

＊

It was difficult to describe the taste of food that I was tasting after a long time.

Good or bad, it was more like a feeling of my tongue not working properly.

I couldn’t tell if it was because it had been so long since I had tasted food, or if it was a side effect of my undead body, but I didn’t bother to show this confusing feeling.

Because I decided that it wasn’t an important enough issue to ruin a couple’s meal time that they had not had in a long time.

To begin with, Sylvia’s cooking skills were inferior to mine.

It may simply be that she lacks the skills.

Besides, I didn’t have the presence of mind to properly appreciate the taste.

From Sylvia’s beautiful eyes, which resembled a lake bathed in sunlight, a gaze as sweet as honey flowed.

Could it be that the gaze that came out between the crescent-shaped smiling eyes was so sweet that I couldn’t taste any other flavors?

I think this is the most likely hypothesis.

…

I realize anew that I like her so much that there is no answer.

If it had been Sylvia who died and not me, would I have made the same choice as her?

“…Ash?”

“huh.”

“What are you thinking about?”

A faint uneasiness is heard in Sylvia’s voice.

I’m watching closely to see if I’m offended.

The proud warrior spirit I felt when I first met her is nowhere to be found.

It was the change brought about by the half year I ignored her.

moment.

Goosebumps ran all over my body.

“ah…”

A thrilling sensation running down your spine.

Of course, I no longer get goosebumps from the feeling, but at least the feeling still remains with me.

“Sylvia.”

“…Uh, yeah?”

“When I died. How did you feel?”

“…”

Sylvia looked pained.

I’ve seen her get hurt many times, but I’ve never seen her look so pained.

It’s so painful just to think about it,

Sylvia bit her lip, unable to find the right words, but I had already had my answer.

After I entered the forest, less than half a year later, she fell in love with me.

After we came out of the forest, within half a year she lost her dignity.

She, who had suffered for four years and kept her conscience as a warrior, abandoned all her duties and beliefs as a warrior and forcibly took me alive.

“okay…”

grow.

What made her like this.

And what made me like this.

It’s me in the end.

“Sylvia.”

“…huh.”

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting.”

I have no right to criticize Sylvia.

Because I corrupted her.

She told me clearly.

If it weren’t for Ash coming into the forest, I would never have fallen in love.

If that’s true, she thinks I screwed her up.

In the end, I was the one who made her like this.

“…”

I slowly put down the dishes, pushed back the chair, and stood up.

Sylvia followed my movements with trembling eyes.

don’t worry.

This time I’m not trying to run away.

Because I won’t run away anymore.

“…Ash?”

I approached her.

The sharp sound of shoe heels hitting the floor echoes across the table.

Standing next to Sylvia, I slowly placed my hand on her cheek.

It had also been half a year since I first touched her body.

Unlike my tongue, which had been dull to the stimulation it had tasted for the first time in half a year, her body accepted my touch with great sensitivity.

She literally jumped up on the chair while sitting down.

I slowly brought my hand to her cheek and gently slid it towards the nape of her neck.

And then he slowly grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her towards him, saying:

“love you.”

“Ah… ahhh.”

Sylvia let out a cry of emotion that defied human language.

It was the reaction of an idiot with no trace of intelligence.

The stimulation must be torn apart by her brain.

I found her perfected, crippled appearance so lovely and pitiful at the same time.

Lust, guilt, affection and compassion surge like raging fire.

All the anger and hatred has already burned or melted away.

Their lips touch.

Even through my dulled skin I could feel how hot her breath was.

Slowly exchange the air in your lungs.

As I tore through the savory fatty coating of the venison, her sweet and soft tongue revealed its presence.

Sylvia slowly raised her hand and grabbed me, running her fingers over my face and the back of my neck.

“under…”

The rushing breath,

And then her lips rushing in again.

The longing I was spitting out mixed in my breath seemed to be making even my head go stupid.

Yeah. I wish I could just become an idiot like this.

Ash, Sylvia, and Pia.

Because there are no normal people in this mansion anyway.

My parents, my older sisters Laila, Maria and Alice.

All the good people are dead.

Broken people left alone in a broken world.

From the moment I was resurrected, I had no other choice.

Sylvia just gave me time to gather my thoughts.

I finally accepted reality.

“love you.”

Sylvia said so.

Those words were one of the few clear truths in this messed up world and our relationship with it.

I looked at Sylvia like that and said with a dejected smile.

“I love you, Sylvia Staff.”

“…!”

Sylvia immediately understood what he meant.

Giving her my last name.

It was a declaration that we were a couple.

“I’m sorry. Now that I think about it, I’m really late…”

Actually, I had a feeling it was a bit late.

It was something I should have done before I died.

At first, I didn’t do it because I was happy to be home, later because I was dying, and finally because I wanted her to love someone new.

But in the end, she never loved anyone new.

As she said, the person she loves is Ash Staff.

“Do you remember?”

“…”

“I wanted to marry Sylvia.”

“Then… you convinced me with those words. To get married, because you wanted to have a wedding… To declare me as yours in front of people, to kill the Demon King… That’s how you convinced me.”

“The wedding… will probably be meaningless since the only guest will be Pia…”

“… I know.”

“still.”

I hugged Sylvia with all my might.

“We are a married couple.”

Her hand that was holding my cheek gradually moved downward.

Neck, shoulders, arms.

Her hand, which had been moving down, stopped at my waist.

Sylvia said, slowly opening her trembling lips.

“And Ash… remember… me? What did I want?”

I nodded.

“Family. You wanted to be my family.”

“But you left me alone…”

“…”

Because she killed our child.

But I couldn’t blame her anymore.

Sylvia also seemed to be aware of her own mistakes and did not press me further.

He simply asked in a voice that contained a faint hint of hope.

“Is it done now?”

“…”

“Are we really a family, a couple?”

I nodded.

“okay.”

“…!”

At that moment, her grip on my waist tightened with force.

The grip was so strong that it felt like my back was breaking.

Sylvia was sitting, I was standing, and she lifted my body up with just her arms.

The vision shot up into the air and then plummeted down.

She kicked the chair away and threw my body on the table.

The dishes fell under the table with a loud crash.

Sylvia swept the rest of the dishes away with her arms and then slammed her palms down on the sides of my face, trapping me in her arms.

“Sylvia?”

“… say.”

“…”

Is it because my back is to the ceiling?

Sylvia’s eyes had lost their light and sank like the bottom of a dark, murky lake.

“Honey, tell me.”

“… honey.”

“Ha… Ugh,”

Sylvia moaned, grabbing my collar.

The buttons on his chest were ripped off because his collar was sucked into his tightly clenched hands as if trying to hold on to the long aftertaste.

My heart was reflected in her dark eyes.

Both she and I knew what was going to happen from now on.

It was a couple’s time.

.