I Thought It Was a Fairy Tale but the Genre Is Strange - Chapter 49



Episode 48 – Hansel and Gretel

Seeing Alice eating so happily, I carefully took a spoonful of soup and put it in my mouth.

“It’s delicious!”

The warmth of the hot soup spread through my stomach, making me feel significantly better. The fact that I was finally eating a proper meal was so overwhelming I could’ve cried. Ariel, like me, seemed relieved as she ate her soup.

It didn’t seem like they were using magic or any other tricks, because they were eating the food just like us. No, to be accurate, they were inhaling it like vacuums. Uh-oh? If we leave them like this, they’ll eat everything!

We forgot all about having a conversation, locked in a fierce battle to get food into our bellies. And in less than 30 minutes, the lavish spread was completely gone.

“Ugh! I’m full! Thank you, I really enjoyed the meal.”

[Agreed. My belly’s bursting!]

Hansel and Gretel, their lips glistening, beamed at our thanks.

“Haha, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Heehee, we were so busy stuffing our faces we forgot about talking.”

“Hehehe, yeah. But, is there any dessert? *Chomp chomp*.”

Alice, eyeing dessert, was already chewing something in her mouth. Gretel’s eyes widened at the sight. Alice had a piece of a chocolate table in her mouth.

“You can’t eat that!”

“But why are you telling me not to eat stuff I’m already eating? *Chomp chomp*.”

“Ugh, Alice! This is their house! And you’re eating their furniture! You can’t eat that!”

Alice glanced at me, smirked, and nodded.

“Okay, I get it. *Ptoo*.”

Alice spat the chewed chocolate into her palm and tried to piece the broken fragment back together. It stuck better than she expected, gooey from her saliva.

“aaah! I can’t take it anymore!!!”

Suddenly, Hansel’s eyes flipped, and he lunged, snatching the saliva-covered chocolate from Alice and shoving it into his mouth.

“Hansel, no!!!”

Gretel shrieked, trying to stop the chocolate from going into Hansel’s mouth, but it was already too late. The saliva-drenched chocolate went down Hansel’s throat.

“Wow, seriously? You were that desperate for the chocolate I was eating? What, you want me to make you more?”

Alice said, wearing a face like she’d seen some strange spectacle. Both Ariel and I were speechless at the shocking sight.

“Holy shit! Hansel!”

Hansel, who’d just swallowed Alice’s slobber-soaked chocolate, was acting… off. His pupils weren’t focusing, just shaking endlessly, and his thick body was twitching violently like he was having a seizure.

“Uhehehek! Delicious! Delicious! Hehehehek! The best, witchy!!!”

He suddenly grabbed the chocolate table, lifted it high, and then opened his mouth wide and started crunching it down whole. Watching him, only one thought crossed my mind: his mouth is ridiculously big. He could probably fit a whole person’s head in there.

“Hansel! You gotta snap out of it! Hansel!! What the hell!”

Amazingly, Gretel lifted his bulky frame in a flash, went behind him, slipped her arms under his armpits and then around his neck, effectively restraining him.

“Uwaaa! Let go! I said let go, witchy! I wanna eat! I wanna eat!!”

“Ugh, just hold on! You can’t eat it all at once! Something really bad will happen if you do!”

Gretel, straining with all her might, actually picked Hansel up off the ground. Watching that, I was just thinking how strong she must be to do that. She carried the struggling Hansel into another room. The situation was so bizarre, it felt too weird to butt in, so we just waited.

In the meantime, Alice tried to break up the chocolate table to make more chocolate for Hansel, and we barely managed to stop her.

Soon after, Gretel reappeared. She was drenched in sweat, like she’d just taken a shower. Her face was haggard as she gasped for breath.

“Haa…”

Alice, seeing her, smiled brightly and asked, “You don’t need any more chocolate, right?”

Gretel’s face contorted in irritation and I quickly clapped my hand over Alice’s mouth.

“Haha, you know, this one’s just a bit… eccentric. Sorry about that. But what the heck was that all about? Hansel seemed a bit… excited.”

Gretel lowered her head for a moment, silent. Then, she clenched her fists together, pressed her lips tightly, and started to speak in a heavy voice.

“Truth is, we nearly died in this house. At the hands of the witch who used to live here.”

This is following the story of a fairytale. I nodded quietly, but Ariel asked, puzzled:

[That sounds like you defeated a witch and lived, how did you do it?]

“…I can only say I was lucky. But before I get into the story properly, just a moment.”

She stopped talking, got up, and went to the kitchen, returning with something she’d quickly made. On the tray were not dainty teacups, but teacups the size of watermelons. Inside was a reddish-orange colored tea.

“Tea is essential for storytelling, you know. Please listen while drinking.”

I cautiously tasted the tea. It was so heavy it was hard to lift, so I just sort of lapped at it with my tongue. Wait? This teacup is made of sugar! It’s incredibly sweet!

Ariel manipulated the tea with her water powers, carefully putting a little in her mouth, and Alice lifted the teacup like it was nothing, never having felt weight in her life. They’re all amazing. I just feel pathetic.

“Alright, let’s start again. Yes, from the beginning.”

She was lost in thought. Gretel’s eyes traveled into the past.

“We were siblings with big appetites since we were small. Our mother passed away early from an illness, I barely remember her face. So, our father struggled raising us alone.”

He cared for both of them by himself? They weren’t as voracious eaters back then, but still, knowing they were extraordinary since birth, it must’ve been very hard for him.

“Then one day, our father came home drunk and brought a stepmother with him. She was wicked. When our father was gone, she treated us cruelly and tormented us. She said we ate too much and that’s why we were impoverished, and she forcibly reduced our food.”

“Is that why you ran away?”

I asked just in case, but Gretel shook her head with a heavy sigh.

“No. We had complaints, but we endured it. But one day, we went on a picnic with our father and stepmother into this forest. And we were abandoned.”

[Shock! You were abandoned!?]

Gretel nodded with a bitter smile.

“Yes. Sadly. So, we wandered around, hungry and starving, when we found this gingerbread house. As soon as we saw it, we went crazy and ate the house. And then suddenly, the door burst open and a beautiful woman came out.”

“Was that beautiful woman, by any chance, a witch?”

“That’s right.”

This is unexpected. I was sure it’d be some cranky, hook-nosed grandma witch. But there’s no story of them finding their way back. I thought Hansel had laid down pebbles that glowed in the night to mark the path.

“That beautiful witch, instead of getting angry, even invited us inside, asking if we were hungry and treating us with care. Oh, she was as kind as she was beautiful, letting us eat and sleep in her house. But that was all a trick to put us at ease!”

Gretel scowled, slamming her hefty fist on the table with a thud.

“That beautiful witch force-fed us sweets endlessly, addicting us to the point we couldn’t live without them. I barely came to my senses and avoided addiction, but Hansel was different. He was already completely hooked. The witch trained us with sweets. Or rather, she fattened us up. Amazingly, I’ve lost that weight now.”

At the mention of weight loss, all three of our eyes widened simultaneously. She’s still so plump now, what must she have been like back then?

“The beautiful witch was planning to eat us. She locked Hansel in a cage, raising him like livestock, and threatened to kill him if I didn’t listen. So I was forced to work and eat the sweets, but I secretly threw them up at night to avoid addiction.”

[Ugh, how horrible! So what happened?]

Gretel glanced subtly at the stove in the kitchen.

“The witch was going to eat us. I knew it instinctively. A witch, so I guessed she was probably consuming children’s bodies to extend her lifespan. I gave up on everything. That day, I lit the stove. But strangely, something popped out of the stove that day. I was so surprised I screamed.”

Gretel made a face that expressed a silent scream.

“Then the witch came running, yelled at me for not doing my job right, and told me to get lost. And then she managed the stove herself. That’s when it happened. Every moment, that whole situation told me, push the witch into the stove.”

“So, did you push her?”

Gretel wore a satisfied expression.

“Yes. I pushed her in and killed her. I can’t forget the smell of the meat as it was grilling, all browned and crispy. It was… incredible.”

The story’s more or less the same. Though she seems to smack her lips while talking… that must be my imagination, right?

“After that, we had nowhere to go, so we continued living in the witch’s house. Hansel’s sweet addiction got worse after that, so I’ve been helping him with therapy, and he’s doing better. But on days like these, when guests come and eat sweets, it’s hard for him to control himself.”

Something’s off. What is it? This unsettling feeling won’t go away. I feel a little dizzy too. Yeah. It’s like the world is spinning. Wait? Spinning?

*THUD!*

Someone slammed their head roughly onto the table.

“Eriel?”

Wait, what? Why’s my tongue all twisted? Uh, Alice?

Alice, who’d downed her tea, teacup and all, was already slumped against the back of her chair, asleep.

Shit. No way, this… Ugh, I’m so dizzy.

My vision goes dark in an instant. My upper body lurches forward, and then a dull throb spreads through my head.

“Like I said, it’s just a means of reassurance.”