I Was Reincarnated as a Villainous Noble Who Gets Killed Midway Through the Story but It Looks Like I’ll Be Executed as a Traitor if I Try to Do Good Deeds - Chapter 88



88: Empathy with Selfi Krishna Red

I want to be someone’s strength. That’s definitely true. Even if it’s compensation for the love I didn’t receive from my family. My actions won’t be lies, so I’m sure of it.

If possible, I want to repay someone’s kindness. I want to be loved. But I don’t want to accept my own ugliness, and I can’t look away.

It was during those days that I met Kamila-san. She was different from me, always standing tall. She didn’t care about the surroundings that mocked her for being a “monadeca” (a solo idol) and proved her worth with her power alone.

I was so focused on being loved that I kept watching others’ reactions. It was dazzling. But when I tried to get close to Kamila-san, I was ignored. It was only natural, though. I didn’t have the means to counter her speed.

Kamila-san seemed to treasure her brother deeply. Despite calling him a “foolish brother,” she cherished the sword he gave her and had gentle eyes. It was something that made me feel envious. For me, family was a distant existence.

So, I was interested in Rex-kun even before we met. The fact that Kamila-san treasured him and trusted him as someone who could stand alone.

It felt like he had something I didn’t, and I was even jealous. It was silly to feel that way about someone I hadn’t met, but…

However, after meeting him, my impression changed. He was carrying some burden. I could tell just by looking at him. Maybe it was because we were similar. That intuition struck me, and I couldn’t ignore it.

“Rex-kun, Kamila-san’s brother. He doesn’t seem to be like her at all, except for his overwhelming talent.”

To be precise, it was only his incredible abilities that were similar. Kamila-san didn’t hesitate and seemed to have her path decided. But Rex-kun seemed to be lost, wandering alone.

I didn’t know the reason. His attitude was terrible, to be honest. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel like I had to help him. It was as if I had to save him.

“He’s kind, isn’t he? You can tell by looking at the people around him.”

Is Rex-kun suffering because he’s kind?

Someone once told me that I was naturally kind to others. It stuck with me. But that’s not true.

Being kind to others means enduring their unpleasantness, doing things you don’t want to do, and prioritizing their needs over your own words. It requires patience and tolerance.

In other words, he might be repeating the same endurance. That’s why he’s cornered, perhaps.

“But being loved and admired by others means there’s something more than that.”

That fact proved his kindness. It was evidence of his endurance. In other words, it was a mark that he was the same as me.

I thought that maybe he could understand my suffering in kindness. So, it was a good encounter.

“What I’m more concerned about is that Rex-kun’s heart seems to be screaming in agony.”

If that’s true, it’s possible that our budding friendship might be crushed. That future is unbearable. Because I haven’t found anyone else who understands my struggles.

“Hey, Rex-kun. Maybe your usual attitude is just a way to hide your weaknesses?”

For Rex-kun, being strong in front of others might be a means to cover up his weaknesses. If not, he’d be anxious and crushed, and the people around him would be scary.

“Yeah. I’m sure my thinking is correct. Then, I can’t just leave him be. No one else will worry about him.”

He’s relied on, but he doesn’t rely on others. That’s a mistake. And he doesn’t show his weaknesses. So, it’s hard to think that he needs support. The idea that someone like that is cornered is quite rare, I think.

“But Rex-kun has talent and seems confident, so I know what I have to do.”

My goal is to make him feel comfortable showing his weaknesses. That’s my goal. Yeah, I believe that my genuine kindness can be trusted. I really want to help him.

He’ll definitely understand me. So, the future where only I support him won’t come.

“I’ll save Rex-kun’s heart. Then, I won’t have to see him crying in his heart.”

Maybe I’m also stimulated by maternal instincts. I don’t want to see him suffering. If possible, I want him to smile with my help. That’s what I think.

“And he’ll definitely trust me. He won’t say things like ‘you’re being too nosy’ or anything.”

When I help others, I’ve been told that many times. He’ll understand that pain, so he’ll understand the meaning of kindness.

“Everyone, including the children who admire me, will eventually take distance from me. That’s because…”

They think I’m a distant existence. Or maybe they think I’m looking down on them. In the end, I’m not equal to them. It takes time to realize that fact.

How much time have I wasted, thinking about what I gained from being kind to others? No one notices my struggles or helps me. That’s the situation.

“I think we’re similar. We both have hidden struggles that we can’t show.”

And if we say it out loud, we’ll be hated. That’s what I think. Even if it’s not true, we’re pretending to be someone we’re not to protect ourselves. That’s the truth I know about him.

“Because we’re like that, we can support each other. Isn’t that right, Rex-kun?”

It’s not a one-sided relationship where only one person gives. We can have a relationship where we’re equal and support each other. That’s what I think.

“It’s natural for people to have a hard time trusting others, isn’t it? That’s why I’ll take the initiative to believe in them.”

Kamira-san was angry because she wasn’t trusted, but that’s only natural. After all, Kamira-san hasn’t given anything to Rex-kun.

I, on the other hand, can teach happiness. The joy of revealing one’s true self, the thrill of being understood – I can do it all.

“And I want Rex-kun to accept me. If that happens, we can both be saved, right?”

If that future arrives, it’ll definitely be the best. So, I’ll keep moving forward, for both of us.