I’m Not That Villain - Chapter 75



74 – Black Mamba (2)

Darkness.

Pitch-black darkness.

Not a single point of light. Black Mamba panted.

Darkness. It was darkness. Just like back then.

The underground warehouse. The pitch-black underground warehouse.

The day the director drank. Bound all over…

The darkness of the time when he had to squirm in the underground warehouse for hours.

“Gasp… Gasp…”

Breathing became labored. His body trembled like an aspen tree at the approaching past.

He hated the darkness. When he looked at the darkness, he felt as if a gaze was peering at him from beyond.

Someone is watching. Those eyes. Those eyes are watching me.

“EMP…? Are these crazy b*stards really serious…?! Scarlett! Are you okay?!”

“Recovery system in operation… 1203 seconds until recovery is complete…”

A creepy, wrinkled hand.

The sound of it scratching the skin.

Instinctively, I scratch my neck. Forcing my constricted throat open, I struggle to stabilize my breathing.

But it doesn’t work. It doesn’t go as I want.

Ca-calm down. Calm down. Please.

There’s nothing here. There’s nothing here…

“…Wait. What? Are you okay?”

“…Light… Flash… Phone… Flash… Please… Light… Just a little…”

No.

I can’t calm down at all.

I’m scared. The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. The eyes peering at me from the darkness.

A sharp, echoing sound…

“…I… I’m sorry…”

The sound of flesh being torn.

“I’m… sorry… I’m sorry… Please don’t… Please don’t…”

“…Scarlett! Activate emergency power! Now!”

In an instant, a red light comes on in front of me.

A man. A man is in front of me. Not a woman. It’s not that old monster.

The neck I was scratching reflexively is damp. It’s not because of saliva.

Blood. All blood.

Still…

Because it hurts, at least… I’m sane…

“You…?!”

“…Ugh…!”

The nausea comes up belatedly.

The Black Mamba vomited everything inside.

Even though there was nothing inside…

Wanting to vomit out all the heinous past.

. . .

Those who possess abilities, you see.

Most of them carry mental stress.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that the ability factor shines in extreme situations. The more mentally cornered they are, the more brilliantly their latent abilities shine.

Just like how a light in the darkness feels brighter.

The ability factor burns brilliantly in pain.

Seoul.

Lawless city.

In this city where most people feel life as pain…

It’s no wonder there are so many ability holders.

“…Sorry…”

Black Mamba’s eyes welled up with tears. I sighed and cleaned up the blood and vomit spilled on the floor.

The smell was bearable. Vomit that was almost like plain water could be wiped away, so it was manageable.

But still.

The blood flowing profusely from the neck scratched in anxiety was too grotesque to ignore.

Darkness.

She seemed to feel some kind of fear in the darkness.

After being swallowed by complete darkness, she appeared to be out of her mind. Even though the emergency light was on, there was no trace of confidence in her dejected appearance.

She seemed like a different person. As if she had been caught showing a side she never wanted to reveal.

From noble mtl dot com

After cleaning up all the vomit, I checked my phone.

…As expected.

Was it because of the EMP?

Only some of the equipment in the underground facility was working, while the rest were completely dead.

The phone turned back on, but there was no data connection. It was as if all communication networks leading out of central Seoul had been blocked.

A complete lockdown.

They even blocked access to the virtual world. I wonder how much manpower they invested in this.

…Well.

If I had time, breaking through that suddenly erected barrier would be no problem. It’s an easy task. Within a few days, I could reconnect this underground facility to the outside world.

The important thing is…

What to do with the woman with the cloth wrapped around her neck.

“…Haa.”

After letting out a sigh, I placed my phone on the desk. I checked the wound on her neck, which was covered with a towel.

A wound that was almost gouged out. It was hard to see the torn flesh dangling from her neck.

But fortunately, thanks to her high regenerative ability, it was healing immediately. Should I say that’s a relief?

“……”

“……”

The atmosphere was heavy. After disinfecting her neck, I slowly wrapped it with a bandage. I also brought water to wash her hands, which were stained with blood and flesh.

She looked like she could do everything on her own, but why is she so fragile? It seems like she has some kind of mental trauma…

It’s severe. Doesn’t it feel like some kind of mental illness?

“…Tsk.”

Can she even fight against the enforcement agency like this?

I intended to use her openly, but seeing her weak appearance in front of me made my heart feel uneasy.

I am truly human. A human.

“…What… do you think?”

She suddenly spoke. I glanced at her side profile.

Drooping eyes. The fierce look in her eyes was gone, and now she just looked like a drenched cat sitting next to me.

“Isn’t it strange…?”

Strange, indeed.

Yes. It’s strange. Undoubtedly strange.

But you know what.

There’s nothing particularly different about me either.

I had my moments like that too.

“Of course, it’s strange.”

“…….”

“But it’s not that I don’t understand. I was like that too.”

“…….?”

She looked at me weakly. In the awkward air, I cleared my throat for no reason.

“…I… I don’t like small rooms.”

I rambled on.

I didn’t want to see her scratching her neck anymore.

“Bigger is better if possible. Bigger is good.”

“…Why?”

“When my family decided to commit suicide together, the place we chose was a motel room. It was really small. Extremely. We didn’t have money, so when the whole family lay on one bed, the floor was just packed. It was like a goshiwon (a small, cheap room).”

“…….?”

The Black Mamba blinked.

I poured water into a cup.

“It was shabby and smelled. I still remember. The inside was filled with smoke. I was struggling to survive, and every time I moved, something hit my body. I knew what it was. The bodies of my father and mother, foaming at the mouth. Beyond the narrow hole, every time I moved to survive, my body collided with the corpses.”

“…What? No, why… No… So… Uh…?”

“That’s why I hate small rooms. I hate them terribly. Maybe I have a bit of claustrophobia. So, when I was outside, I didn’t even try to go home. I didn’t have much money, so I had to live in a goshiwon to survive. But goshiwons are small, right? When it’s small, it just makes you feel dirty. Every time my shoulder hit the wall, I flinched without realizing it.”

“Ah… Um… Uh…”

“Why? Wasn’t it the right time to talk about bad memories?”

“No, I just didn’t expect you to bring that up all of a sudden…!”

Black Mamba shouted.

Feeling somewhat better, I let out a small laugh.

“Your turn.”

“…Huh?”

“Spill it. Don’t overthink. The person in front of you is just a fleeting connection. Didn’t I tell you? Once we go outside, there won’t be any reason for us to contact each other in any way.”

“…….”

“Just a fleeting connection, so speak up. If you have something to say.”

Black Mamba hesitated.

I waited for that hesitation.

A voice as small as a mouse’s, came out a little later.

“…There was a fucking orphanage director.”

I listened to her words without a sound.

“…But more than anything, what I hated was that old hag of a director’s corporal punishment. Fucking b*tch. That b*stard, he was an alcoholic. Shit. The moment he started drinking, the b*stard would come for some of the kids at night. And he’d drag them down to the basement storage.”

“…….”

“He’d tie their hands and feet and throw the kids he didn’t like down there. And you know what he did? Shit, he didn’t even hit them himself. Voyeurism. Just voyeurism. With their hands and feet tied, he’d make strange noises at the kids crawling on the floor. I peeked a few times from outside, and he’d make crawling noises with his mouth.”

“What…? Why?”

“I don’t know. Shit. I wanted to know the reason, but when I went looking for him later, he was already dead. He was just… never normal. That crazy b*tch was mentally ill. The strange sounds he made with his mouth, observing us like we were snacks for hours… it must have been because he liked our reactions, right? I… I want to know the real reason too… but I don’t know. I can’t know. The only b*stard who could tell me the reason is already buried in the ground.”

Black Mamba swept her arm.

She spoke incoherently.

“Darkness. I hate the darkness. That fucking weird noise. Like a snake crawling. With his mouth. Sss-sss. Sss-sss. And then suddenly he’d make a ggg-ggg… choking noise sometimes. In the dark. You can’t see anything, but still, there’s something you can see. The gaze watching me in the least dark place. A fucking gaze in a fucking sound. I try my hardest not to see it, but I can’t. It follows me. It keeps following me in the strange sound.”

“…….”

“And then… sometimes… very rarely… on days when that old hag drank too much, he’d add something else. He’d come out of that peeping hole and slowly scratch our arms. Even if we fought like crazy, he’d keep scratching. It wasn’t like he was scratching hard, it was a slow scratching that peeled our skin off… scratching the same spot multiple times. The places were different, all the spots he dug at were different… shit… fucking… fucking that feeling… the scratching was so awful… so…”

Panting.

Her body shaking.

“Fucking… b*stard… fucking… it’s… it’s… that…that b*stard… that b*stard would sometimes? While scratching like that, he’d ask if we wanted to go out. Then, the kids would nod like crazy. And then he’d say. That hag would whisper… to give him another kid’s name. Then you could go out. He’d let you go for tonight.”

“……”

“And then kids would sell names. Because they didn’t want to stay. And there’s something funny about it. My name came up so much. Even on days when that director didn’t call for me, I would wake up and be dragged down there a lot later. No. I fucking… fuckk!! I treated them all so well! Huh?! Shit! I treated those b*tches so well! Why, why me…? Was it because I took care of them normally? But, but I hate it too. I hate it. That sound of skin being scratched… that nauseating feeling of skin slowly peeling off… I hate it all… I hate it… I can’t stand it either…”

“……”

“Th-that’s why… that’s why, shit… the little shits… shit… the b*stards who sold my name… even the ones I was close to… that’s so… so fucking awful… and that’s why… that’s why…”

I handed her the glass I’d filled with water.

But she didn’t drink it right away, she just held it tight.

A moment of silence.

A deep sigh, as if trying to calm the heated breath.

“…What.”

Black Mamba looked down at the glass of water.

As if looking into herself within it.

“So… I hate it. The darkness. I sleep with the lights on.”

“……”

“…What. Damn it. Don’t just stand there awkwardly, give me your thoughts. How is it? My story. Disgusting, isn’t it?”

“It is disgusting.”

It was a disgusting story.

Truly.

I stared blankly ahead for a moment. I looked directly at the parts of her story that matched with me.

For a story to truly be a piece of crap, it needs one element.

The element that the person involved didn’t want it.

I didn’t want to die. That’s why I struggled to live.

She was the same. She reached here without going mad because she wanted to live beyond all that.

A victim. You could call her that.

We are not the same.

…But there are similar parts.

It felt like realizing belatedly that the person beyond the screen was similar to me. This is why you shouldn’t get deeply involved with someone who wants to use you.

Juhwa-rin too, and the other b*stards…

Shit.

What the hell is this thing called ‘care’?

“…Black Mamba.”

She flinched. I spoke without turning to look at her.

Just…

If I could go back to who I was then, to say what I wanted to say.

“It’s not your fault.”

If I could go back to that time.

Back when my parents were alive, I wanted to tell myself, with all my heart.

In case of some unknown situation. Some possible hunch.

That maybe my very existence was too much, and that’s why they tried to commit suicide together…

I wanted to hammer into that goddamn depression the words I wanted to say.

“…It’s not your fault. Really.”