Is That My Alter Ego - Chapter 110



Chapter 110 – Despair

I lost everything. My beloved parents, my precious friends who were like family.

Each day was hell. Breathing was a struggle, and with every step I took, it felt as if I were walking on a path of thorns.

The cursed human who caused my parents to die and drove my friends away.

No one spoke of me in such a way, yet I called myself that.

I blamed myself for their departure, believing I bore the responsibility. I was no different from a sinner who had led them to their deaths.

He sought no contact with anyone. He wished to hear no sound, see nothing, and speak no words.

“…You can lean on me.”

It was his girlfriend who held him up, the crumbling remnants of himself. That warm embrace, a beacon of solace, reached him as he wrestled daily with thoughts of death, writhing in pain, howling in despair.

“Ugh… h-huh…”

“It’s okay… you can cry.”

In that cocoon of warmth, so soft and tender, he wept as if he were a child. She held him quietly, wrapping him in her comfort.

And then, the frenzied thoughts swirling in his mind, the gazes that emerged from the void, the accusations and curses directed at him—all quieted.

Thanks to her, he managed to endure. Each day was a struggle, a torment, yet her presence was the lifeline that kept him tethered to life.

“You… you won’t leave me, will you…?”

He clung to her. It might have seemed pitiful, but he could not help it. She was all that remained for him now.

“Of course not… how could I ever leave you? So you can rest easy!”

Your smile, more radiant than the summer sun, warmer than the spring breeze—it was enough.

Gradually, his life began to improve. He started to emerge from the confines of the room he had locked himself in, facing the world once more.

“…Ugh.”

Of course, the world was terrifying and cold. It felt as if he might collapse at any moment.

Every gaze seemed to be directed at him, and they all felt like daggers, cutting him down with their judgment.

“It’s okay. Hold my hand.”

But when the warmth from their clasped hands reached him, he finally found the strength to move forward.

One step. Slowly, one step at a time. She cheered him on, assuring him that it was alright to take it slow.

As long as he kept moving forward, that alone was enough.

One day, he asked her why she treated him so kindly, a man with nothing, a man so unremarkable.

Someone like you is far too good for me—why do you stay by my side?

If she were to leave, he knew he could not endure, yet her sacrifice and laughter shone so brightly. They sparkled in stark contrast to his dark, murky existence, prompting him to ask.

He shook off the fear of abandonment, the dread of being left alone, and posed the question. She was not someone who should be bound to him.

Yet, as he gazed at the vast sea and the sun dipping below the horizon, and the stars beginning to spill into the night sky, she turned to him and said,

“Because I love you.”

When he looked at her smile, more brilliant than the sun shining behind him, more radiant than the stars embroidered in the sky, he whispered,

“Thank… you. For loving someone like me…”

“…Are you crying again? You big baby…”

He rushed to her, holding her tightly until he could hardly breathe. She did not reject him; instead, she embraced him back.

I made a vow that day, atop the cliff where the stars poured down like tears.

By any means necessary, even if it meant burning my own body, I would protect this woman. I would grant her every desire.

Our happy days continued. When I found myself alone, I would shake off the loneliness by playing the games I had loved since childhood.

“Teach me too! I want to play with you!”

“…Really?”

“Yes! Anything with you is fun…!”

Gratefully, she must have felt pity for me, playing games alone, for she joined me in my escapades.

“This is… hard…”

“At first, it’s always like that… I struggled too.”

“Ugh… but you’re so good! It’s like you excel at every game!”

What began as her playing for my sake turned into countless games shared between us, as she found joy in our time together.

Games where we burst water balloons, or raced cars, using boosters to cross the finish line.

There were the chasms we navigated to keep our parents’ spirits alive, and the battlefields where bullets and bombs rained down.

If I were to recall the most enjoyable, it would be… an RPG where it felt like we were embarking on a journey together.

The early stages were easy, but as we progressed, the difficulty spiked, and the three demon lords beneath the Dark King proved far more formidable, leaving a lasting impression.

Each one was a harbinger of death, despair, and fury, if I remember correctly. I still recall the moment we finally reached the game’s ending, having worked together to overcome the challenges.

With her, any place felt blessed, and our time together was nothing but happiness.

Gradually, I began to see the world anew, and the voices and gazes that once surrounded me faded into silence.

In truth, she too was a child who had lost her parents, just like me. I remember the night we drank together, emotions running high, as she shed tears and shared her story.

She felt the same pain I did, and we bore our suffering together, empathizing and enduring.

Thus, our bond grew stronger, evolving to a point where thoughts of marriage began to surface.

“Cough… cough…”

“Oh dear… this cold is lingering. Are you alright?”

Our happy days continued. Though she had caught a severe cold, coughing for what felt like an eternity, and her health seemed to falter, I worried little.

Our joyful life remained—

“Ugh, cough, ugh…”

Crack—!

“Uh… what?!”

“…What’s happening to me…?”

Then, one day, without warning, she collapsed, coughing up blood. I rushed to carry her to the emergency room, enduring a long wait for treatment and tests to conclude.

“….Are you the guardian?”

“Yes… yes! There won’t be any big problems, right…? Please…”

“……”

“Doctor… sir?”

The heavy expression of the doctor, and the trembling corners of his mouth, filled me with dread.

“We found a large tumor in the patient’s pancreas during the examination.”

“What?! What does that mean…?”

“…There is a very high possibility it is pancreatic cancer. It seems to have already reached stage four.”

—I am sorry to say this. The current condition is not good… You should prepare yourself mentally.

“Ah… ahhh….!”

How can the world be like this? Why… did it have to be her?

It felt as if the world loathed me. Why must the angels who remained by my side suffer such a fate?

Time passed. She entered the hospital room where she would be after all the tests were done.

She sat on the edge of the bed, quietly gazing out the window. I could not hold back my tears.

“……kgh… sniff…”

As if she heard my sound, she turned her head towards me. Her face looked so gaunt.

Her eyes, once full of life, were losing their light, and her once flowing black bob was now sparse in places.

“They say… it’s terminal pancreatic cancer. That I don’t have much time left.”

“Ugh… sniff… ahhh….”

“What… what do I do? Am I going to die….?”

Tears streamed from her eyes. She tried to pretend to be okay, but the quivering of her lips, even in that moment, showed she was thinking of me.

It hurt me deeply.

The world felt hateful. Why must the angels who merely stayed by my side be taken away so mercilessly?

If there is a god, please answer me. Why did it have to be them, not the insignificant me?

“I’m… so scared…”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry….!”

We held each other tightly. The tears flowed without end.

From that day on, I visited her without fail, every single day. I supported her as she coughed up blood, giving her everything she needed.

Every time I looked at her in pain, it felt as if my heart was being torn apart.

Still… I forced a smile. Hoping that she could endure, even just a little, with some hope to hold onto.

One day. She asked for a wig. The black bob she had always maintained.

“How… do I look?”

The moment I turned to gaze at her face, adorned with the wig, I thought my breath had ceased.

“So… beautiful. Yes… so lovely.”

She was still so breathtakingly beautiful. It was so exquisite that I could not hold back the tears that threatened to spill.

Yet, her illness worsened day by day. The intervals between her coughing up blood grew shorter, and she became more gaunt with each passing moment.

Her eyes, once sparkling like jewels, lost their luster. Now, the bones of her entire body were visible.

One day. I rushed to her bedside at the sound of her calling me.

“Cough… cough…!”

“…It’s okay. I’m… here.”

“…..Ah. Come… here.”

I fought to hold back my tears as I approached her. She raised her trembling hand and placed it against my cheek.

“….My… love. I… love… you.”

“…Yes. I love you too… more than anything. So…”

“Because I… loved you… I was… happy…”

In that moment, the smile she wore was like the one she had given me while gazing from a beautiful cliff.

Beeeeeeee—

“……Huh?”

Crash—!

“…Quick! Bring the defibrillator! And…!”

“….Please hurry, quickly!”

With a smile so beautiful it felt suffocating. Doctors and nurses stormed into the room.

Beeeeee…

And moments later. The doctor, drenched in cold sweat, approached me, his expression vacant.

“The patient… has passed away. We did our utmost, but in the end…”

“….Ah…..”

Beeeeeeeeeeeeee—

With the chilling sound echoing through the air. My angel had departed.

Since that day. I locked myself away in my room. No one remained for me, and it was clear that anyone who came near would meet the same fate.

I clung to my games all day long.

Voices echoing as if to split my skull, gazes piercing through me, and a guilt so heavy it felt like death—these would sink away when I played the game.

I immersed myself in the world of the game, becoming not the reality of me, but the me within that screen. I erased the real me, believing that the figure inside the monitor was truly ‘me.’

The escape that had gnawed at my insides and brought me to the brink of death mattered little. After they all departed, I was not truly alive anyway.

I merely existed, unable to die. And so, I lived each day like a wretch, until one day, suddenly—

I found myself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.

And… from that day, all the memories that had lingered until now surged forth.

Memories from the Sky Mercenary Corps. Remembrances of the Frost Territory. Days spent in Espilia.

…How fleeting it all was. Yet, the ‘me’ who faced them had long since died and vanished.

“Ha… haha…”

I gaze upon the breathtaking view before me. Why… had I forgotten this?

Stars pouring down, the sun draped upon the horizon, waves gently lapping at the shore—why had I let this slip from my mind?

I take a step forward. It felt as if my family, friends, and girlfriend were watching me from beyond that vast horizon.

“Status… window.”

[This@:Be!@%! / !@% : &&! / Man!@% / Status: ^^&!(]

[Unique Ability^!@$: Split^&(!@$(???) : You can create a clone of yourself (@!&). The split(!@*$$ ability is ^!@$ and allows you to embody the form of a god!

The pain of splitting(!@$&) is felt! If the clone$)@!(#4 is destroyed, you may die!]

[^@# Death of Body 1, %)@!*$_!@]

[Split%)#*! can lead to death!]

[@#)@!#8, $)!@)$*1]

Status window. You too… have had a hard time. Now, you’re broken, and I can no longer call upon you.

I take another step. My legs trembled, and it felt as if a tremendous wind struck my body, but it was alright.

My hand reaches out. That warm sunlight felt like their hands stretching toward me.

“…I’m coming… now.”

One step.

Just one more step, and I could finally head toward my angels.

From noble mtl dot com

…Thank you all. Farewell.

Those who might remember me will, after all, be gone.

Now, I need only take one more step. Then I will—

Tatadadak—!

“I finally found you… my commander…!”

“Venice…! I have come…!”

“Master…! I can smell you…!”

And at that moment, I halted my steps, drawn to the voices behind me, so achingly familiar.