Novelist Running Through Time - Chapter 236



Only Krnovel

When I was young, I once thought this too.

This is a dream where my parents suddenly come to see me one day and take me away, saying, “You’ve paid off all your debts, so now you can live with us.”

Of course, that didn’t happen until I became an adult and grew up lonely and alone.

This was a fantasy that not only I, but anyone who grew up in an orphanage, had dreamed of at least once.

Of course, there were some among them who dreamed of something a little bigger.

– Actually, I am the hidden youngest son of the Samsung family…

– Oh, then I’m Hyundai.

– Hey! Car!

– Open – Phone seller –

I remember that once this ‘youngest son of a conglomerate’ game became so widespread that the children of Saebitneulbom Orphanage monopolized the role of the forgotten illegitimate children of Korea’s top 10 conglomerates.

Of course, none of them were ‘real’. That’s natural. That kind of thing only happens in web novels that Min Hyo-chan likes to read. There’s no way something like that would happen in real life, right?

Since I was a child who was realistic (I used to pretend to be realistic to fill my self-esteem), I did not join the ranks of such delusional people and stubbornly kept my integrity.

However, I also had an ideal family image that I secretly wished for.

A slightly strict mother and a rambling father, these two people are always fighting, but in fact, they get along well.

As a son, I know that fact, so whenever the two of them fight, I cover my ears and say, ‘Oh, here we go again.’

My father is a serious office worker outside, but when he comes home, he hugs me with a dazed look on his face.

I struggle to escape from my father’s arms, but I am unable to overcome his strength and quietly give up my resistance. My father kisses my sagging cheeks repeatedly, and my mother scolds him for this and grumbles that I should eat dinner first because she has to wash the baby…

My mother has a slightly prickly personality, so she is sensitive to social opinions. She always attends sports days and gives out snacks to the kids in the class, and if I happen to be the class president, she sighs deeply and hands out hamburgers.

Of course, I actively participate in the parent association activities and raise my voice. I am a bit extreme when it comes to school violence, so when I experience something absurd at school, I am shocked and raise my voice. That is how I am always protected······

“······”

Well, you can probably guess by now that this isn’t just a fantasy I’ve had for a day or two. Ever since I was young, I’ve been putting together a very detailed book of settings, as if I was a novelist.

This ‘suspiciously detailed’ fantasy about my parents was a jar of desire that contained all my needs and longings in a single, naked form.

I still can’t forget the look on Guyuna’s face when I first confessed this delusion······

-······

– ···what’s the matter?

-······

– What did I do wrong? You might be thinking that.

-······

– Don’t look at me like that!

Yeah, yeah,

In fact, I am a much more sinister and dark guy than those guys who were babbling about being the illegitimate children of a wealthy family.

I know that too.

But I don’t think it’s strange.

What’s strange about people dreaming?

Although my situation is miserable, having been obsessed with virtual parents while the whole world was crazy about virtual currency, I think it is only natural for people to try to fill in what they lack, even if only through imagination.

therefore······

I, too, have my own version of the ‘ideal home’ that I imagine.

I decorated the interior of the house one by one, even drawing pictures in a notebook.

Thanks to this, even though that house no longer exists in this world, I can vividly picture it when I close my eyes.

Close your eyes.

The illusion that was slowly creeping in took some form.

A cozy, bright, and warm haven.

Okay, now open your eyes again.

“······”

“······”

In front of me, a woman with hair hanging down like a ghost stares at me with lifeless eyes, and the house······

It looked exactly the opposite of what I thought an ideal ‘home’ should look like.

EP 14 – The Future

A cold, empty, and dreary atmosphere.

In a house filled with such darkness-

I looked at Kim Byeol’s mother.

“······”

“······”

Her house was not dark. Rather, the moment she turned on the expensive-looking lights, the entire house seemed to be enveloped in beautiful light art.

Her house wasn’t messy at all. The dishes were neatly arranged, and even the remote control on the table was lined up, which made her look like she had obsessive-compulsive disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

So where does the ‘darkness’ in this house come from?

“······”

I just realized it now.

The atmosphere of a home is not created by its decoration.

It is made by people.

“Please have some tea······.”

I accepted the chamomile tea that Kim Byeol’s mother offered me.

The wrist that handed me the teacup was as dry as a tree branch. The bite marks left by Kim Byeol were also clear.

Her face seemed to have the kind of death you might see in a terminally ill patient, and even her eyes were······

How should I put this?

Oh, yeah.

He resembled his father, who left his children in an orphanage because of debt and then committed suicide.

It was such a noisy incident, and I remember it clearly because I witnessed it with my own eyes.

Those are the eyes of someone who is already ‘dead’.

The body is alive and moving, but the mind is already dead.

Then, the identity of the darkness that filled this house also becomes clear.

Corpse smell.

The corpse-like smell of a rotten soul.

Oh, I was talking to a ghost.

“······”

“······”

I sipped the teacup the ghost had handed me and fell into deep thought.

What are you thinking? It’s ‘I don’t understand.’

What on earth is the existence of parents that oppresses a human being like this?

What on earth is the existence of a child that binds a human being like this?

Birth and birth.

Oil and grease.

Teaching and learning.

What is the magic of this cycle of growth and reproduction that causes so much distress to humans?

So I asked a mother who had a daughter.

“Why on earth did you do that to your daughter?”

“······.”

Mother doesn’t answer.

I knocked on the closed gate.

“What on earth was the reason you were so strict with your daughter?”

“······.”

But this time the gate did not open.

I gave up on pressing for an answer and tried a slightly different approach this time.

What story should I start with······

“Kim Byeol… That’s what my senior said.”

“···!”

Kim Byeol.

When these two letters came out, the woman who had been silently silent flinched and shook her shoulders.

I pinned my hopes on that reaction and continued the story as calmly as possible.

“Since that day, a lot has changed.”

“······”

“I don’t go around smiling and laughing, I don’t act friendly to people I meet for the first time, I’ve become very cold. But the strange thing is, people actually like that side of me. Is it because I’m a celebrity? Because I’m a celebrity, not an individual… Do they prefer a haughty side so that people can admire me?”

“······”

“I don’t know about that. How can a mere writer know the minds of the people of the world?”

“······”

“It’s not like I have no insight into people at all. If I’ve known them for a while, I can see through their minds. Just like senior Kim Byeol.”

As I was about to continue talking, I was startled for a moment.

This is because the woman who had been standing still like a stone statue slowly raised her head and spoke to me.

“Star······”

“···!”

“How have you been these days?”

I suppressed my surprise and answered calmly.

“I’m not feeling very well these days.”

“Is that so······.”

“I can’t sleep well, I keep biting my fingernails, I’m irritable around people, and I keep throwing up when I eat.”

“······”

“I have to film a drama while I’m at it, so I said everything. A person is half-mad and consumed by acting, but other people are applauding and saying things like that when they see that. Oh, me…”

Suddenly, I realized that while I was explaining Kim Byeol’s condition, the conversation ended up blaming Kim Byeol’s mother. I guess I had been holding back a lot of things without even realizing it.

But, didn’t Kim Byeol’s mother just smile faintly after hearing this story?

“Yes, that’s what happens to actors sometimes.”

“······yes?”

“I’m sad that you seem to be in a lot of pain… but I’m glad that you think of me as your mother.”

“······”

“Even if you leave my arms, if you become a good actor-”

At that moment, I blurted out the question that had been tangled in my mind like a lump.

“What on earth is it about parents and children that makes them like that?”

“······”

“What on earth is the relationship between parents and children that makes people go crazy and become mentally ill?”

My question was not a question, but more of a lament. I was shouting at the sky, not at people. Why on earth did the world come to be like this?

Then, it was not the sky, but the person in front of me who answered. Looking at me with pity.

“That’s not a mental illness.”

“······”

“Of course.”

I was speechless for a long time after hearing the answer, ‘Of course.’

What is so natural about this? Parents owning their children’s lives? Seeing their children achieve the dreams they couldn’t?

In my opinion, this was mental illness.

But the person in front of you says that this is ‘natural’.

So, am I mentally ill?

At that moment, suddenly-

I intuitively felt that it was time to ask the ‘question’.

I asked ‘Mother’.

“Why on earth did you do that to your daughter?”

This time, instead of silence, there was an answer.

The answer goes back in time, a very long time ago…

* * *

“A flock of sheep jumped into the sea. Clouds embroidered on the blue sky slowly swam and flew along the waves.

Below, the endless fields are filled with golden ears of rice, fluttering in the sunlight.

This is a picture created by autumn.

The blue of the sky, the white of the clouds, the gold of the fields.

As the bus sped along the country road, the pictures outside the window took on a dazzling wave of color.

It was not surprising that Kang Eun-chae, who was hanging out of the bus window and looking outside like a country girl, or rather, like a country girl, was fascinated by this painting.

Kang Eun-chae opened the bus window, wanting to capture even a little of the autumn colors at her fingertips.

“ah.”

And then I closed the window again in a second at the smell of rural excrement creeping in.

The smell of rotting fish intestines was familiar to the fishing village girl, but the smell of cow dung mixed with fertilizer was not.

Kang Eun-chae sat up straight on the bus seat and tried to forget the terrible smell of feces that had just passed by after she had just punched the tip of her nose.

But the smell of that damn cow dung just won’t leave my head.

I started to feel anxious because I thought that if things continued like this, there would be problems preparing for the audition I had planned to attend in Seoul.

The scenery outside the window, which just moments ago looked like a great work of art, now looks like an ordinary rural farmhouse.

They say that great artists are always intoxicated by inspiration, but could it be that inspiration has left him?

Although Kang Eun-chae may look serious at first glance, she was actually nervous before the audition and just kept thinking about random things, making herself even more nervous.

But then, unable to overcome my anxiety, I ended up putting a completely strange idea into action…

“Excuse me, sir. If you don’t mind, could you take a quick look at my acting?”

I asked the passenger sitting next to me on the bus to help me prepare for the audition.

“Yes? Me?”

If the girl sitting next to me suddenly started acting, most people would wave their hands in disgust, but the person sitting next to me was quite annoyed.

“Oh, yes, well. Are you someone who is preparing for a talent show?”

“Yes, that’s right. I aspire to be an actor!”

“Then let’s take a look. I had nothing to do on the way to Seoul······”

Thanks to the overflowing enthusiasm of an aspiring actor, an unexpected audition took place on a bus to Seoul.

And it was a few hours later that Kang Eun-chae realized that she had mistakenly arrived at the audition date and was a day late.