She Returned as a Vampire - Chapter 50



50 – Suicide

When I became a monster, I thought I lost my world.

But when he took me in his arms,

I knew my world was him.

Niel Pietro.

He’s smaller than me and weaker than me, but

A person who is far more prudent, wiser than I am, and always leads me on the right path.

As a fool, I neglected him,

The result looks like this.

I don’t know if that’s what happened in the first place.

No, this is how it works. Are you sure.

The fact that I ruthlessly touched the forbidden power and connected it uglyly led to more terrible results.

Abandoned by him,

My world has abandoned me.

…

I thought love would be easy.

A father and mother’s love is just natural,

And his love is far more natural than that.

There was a time when I believed that he was the one who came to me because he had a crush on me, and that he would just keep going.

I realized that it was my mistake only after I became a monster.

A vampire who cannot survive without human blood.

Even like me, he doesn’t hesitate,

That night he cut his hand right on me and gave me blood.

I still remember the taste of blood that day.

It’s sweeter and full of flavor than anything I’ve ever tasted,

I lost my temper and bit off his arm.

Yes, I have always been selfish.

I could only think of myself and put myself first.

If I were the kind of woman who thought of him a little more,

I wouldn’t have even thought of approaching him in the first place.

I don’t want to give you the risk of accepting me as a monster.

And thinking of the things I was cold towards him in the third year in the first place,

I regret it,

From noble mtl dot com

I would have gladly accepted my fate of burning to death in the sun.

Ernie, maybe he died of starvation before the sun even came.

But I should have.

That might have been less painful.

…

Even if it’s not sincere, even if it’s obtained through lies,

His love was incredibly warm.

I only think of women,

Soothing me who is crying out in self-loathing,

I couldn’t bear to reveal the truth to him who always told me that I was a good woman and that he was in love.

So I covered it and covered it again.

The result was cruelly cutting out my own breasts.

Retribution, maybe.

A woman who rapes the person she loves cannot be a good woman in the first place.

Aside from that, my attitude when I confidently said that it was for him and that I was his legitimate and one and only lover was ridiculous.

I took every chance from him.

A chance to care about something other than me.

Time to get away from me and take a break or take care of personal matters.

He was a man who only thought of me in the first place, so I thought I didn’t need anything else,

He said it himself, so I thought it wouldn’t matter if I made it that way.

…

I found out today that I have a close friend who came to meet the man who was caught by me.

I was a person who didn’t want to talk about anything other than myself, and didn’t even make it in the first place.

I didn’t realize until it changed, and I finally realized how much effort it takes…

He had never approached female acquaintances.

Whether I’m in front of him or not.

Yes, that’s clear. Because he was always busy waiting for me at home or rushing back from outside.

But I dared to go on an adventure with Benjamin Atkinson.

After fighting him.

No matter how many times he made excuses that he didn’t have the intention he imagined, who would believe it?

Leaving Niel, an ordinary adventurer, at home,

He was with other colleagues, but did I really not know how it would be received by other people by bringing that ‘Benjamin Atkinson’ to the party?

Although there was no contact,

There’s no way Niel knows.

I claim that such a woman is Niel’s friend, and when I asked to see her, she was so furious,

I had done the same thing and shamelessly thought of staying by his side.

As I was going through my memories.

…

The sin is too heavy.

I’m too mean a woman to lift that.

The thought that I deserve to admit that sin and die because of it keeps running through my head.

In spite of the fact that you should give joy to your loved ones, you only hurt them,

Forcibly committing a crime,

In the end, I deceived him while half-erasing my memory.

Who would call me a woman who sees me like this and falls in love?

What kind of person will look at me and Niel and say that we are a couple of lovebirds?

Niel was unilaterally exploited,

It was me, no one else, who did it.

The fact is disgusting to the point of nausea, so I step on the snow barefoot.

The coat he gave me was taken off at the front door.

No gloves, no shoes, all naked,

I want to leave at least the spirit enough to think of him again and again for the last time,

If you put yourself in pain as you walk through the cold snow, your feet will ache…

It just makes you realize once again that deep down you’ve already been hurt too much.

…I wanted to hurry.

I want to die in a hurry, so that Niel won’t even think of chasing me.

But if he dies right in front of his eyes, it’s almost certain that his guilt will remain.

I’m going to go to a secluded place where no one knows, and swallow the silver ornament.

He gave me the smallest gift…

The most beautiful ring.

And then either off a cliff or down a frozen waterfall…

I just hope he can’t find my body anyway.

I wish I had disappeared from his life at all.

…

For a woman who would risk her life to save her friend, she must be a much better match for him.

Because he’s even human, it’ll be much better for Niel.

If you’re going to be pursued forever beside such a cursed monster, it’s right to mix with humans.

…To a place I can never return to.

I know now that a monster is a monster. Ever since I was a human, I’ve already been an ugly monster, and that’s why I can’t change.

And now that I see it, I’m no different from Tia, that woman.

With a terrible possessive spirit, she unilaterally tried to win her husband’s heart.

She looks so much like the woman I thought was ugly.

I was confident that it would be different,

I know more, because Niel loves me.

She did that to the person she loved, and dared to hope that such a ruin would not come.

It’s ridiculous. No, maybe it’s just shameless.

So I’m going to put it into action.

This time, make sure that the results do not change again.

If this fails… Well.

Should I run far away from him?

I think it wouldn’t hurt to throw yourself into the sea so you can’t even see his face.

Or go into a remote, unknown dungeon and die lonely there.

Anyway, it’s a fitting word.

I can’t die by his side,

Being hated by him in the end,

Leaving behind the fact that he was abandoned by the warmest person.

When I think so, I feel hot tears.

I would have accepted it if the bitter cold tears had flowed.

It is clear that she accepted her own unfortunate ending, blaming herself for being a cold b*tch even on the inside.

But why is it so hot…

“I don’t want to die… Not like this. Like this… Ahhh… Ahhhhh…!”

I wanted to at least die by his side.

I wish it would have been him to close my eyes in a warm embrace.

If not, it would have been a good ending if I could close my eyes with him, at the same time, and in the same place.

…If he had died first, then he would have been willing to commit suicide.

But he died alone like this.

He died unloved by him, a fool who had only wounded him,

“I don’t like this, I don’t like it… I have to do it. If I don’t, he’ll get hurt again.”

I have to die. For me, dying would give his life a little more space.

I’ll make you uncomfortable again. It will make you sick again I’d say make it harder It’s clear.”

Let’s be brave, Elena.

Obviously kind, he will be sad at first,

You know better than anyone that that’s a much better future.

If you want to become a monster by the side of a monster,

It suits him much better to bloom beautifully next to humans.

This ugly desire to monopolize that doesn’t suit you,

I shouldn’t have had it in the first place.

If not, he looked at me like that,

You can’t command me with that disappointed face and cold voice.

“Ah, kuk, kkeuk, ugh… Heh heh… Kkeuk heh…”

To fall, leaving his warm arms behind?

Of course, it must be hell.

Isn’t that why I told you to suffer and die in a world without warmth?

You tricked him into sneaking into his bosom, so the thief deserves to be punished.

Yes, if you are not loved, it is only natural that you die.

Now, before this heart weakens.

Before I heard his voice magically somewhere, holding on to the will to live I had let go.

I’ll have to do it now.

“When I was handed this… How precious you are. If only I knew how deep and valuable your feelings are.

You and I must have been much more beautiful.”

Even if I regret this much, there is nothing left in the end.

If there is anything left, it must be my sin that will never run out no matter how many times I think about it.

So let’s finish this.

This little ring he gave me that I couldn’t even wear on my finger,

I’m going to cut it completely by swallowing it.

For him, not for anyone else.

…

Maybe for the first time, it’s not for me…