The Hero Who Returned From Death Quits - Chapter 199



EP9. ■■

I told him what I thought. Then Grandis tilted her head and said.

“Is that… possible? I’m not sure.”

But I was confident. Grandis sighed when she saw my gaze.

“…It seems like you’re already convinced.”

“To be exact, I don’t think we could deal with the Demon King who can read the future if not this method.”

Yes. I couldn’t help but think that this was the best way. Maybe there was a better way. But I thought that if it wasn’t this way, I wouldn’t be able to win. It was a way that the Demon King’s foresight wouldn’t work on, and that I wouldn’t have chosen in countless futures. Because if it wasn’t that way, it wouldn’t have been meaningful.

Grandis looked into my eyes, hugged me, and patted my head.

“Okay. If that’s what you think, I’ll follow.”

Grandis, who had been embracing me like that for a long time, had a solemn expression on her face.

“…It’s going to be very dangerous. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

That’s why I thought my current plan wouldn’t fall into the Demon King’s premonition.

The current me is afraid of death. I think I want to live. That’s why I thought the probability of my future self carrying out this plan was low.

But, no matter how much I fear death, no matter how much I fear pain, there are times when I must fight. There is something I must protect. That is why I have already made up my mind.

No matter how painful it is, if I can win, if I can truly see the end after everything is over, I can do anything. That’s what I thought.

…

Countless soldiers gathered. However, the one commanding them was not the Emperor, nor the Commander-in-Chief of the Empire, nor even the Duke who had stepped down from the position of Commander-in-Chief. The one commanding them was none other than the Hero who had been said to have betrayed humanity. No, should I say the former Hero now? It was only natural that one who had lost the Holy Sword could no longer be called a Hero.

That is why the soldiers of the Empire thought. Why must they be dragged to their deaths now? Why must they believe in and follow a traitor to humanity, when the devastation of war has not yet been fully recovered? Even if their emperor had denounced Ainzel as not being a traitor to humanity, the perception that they had believed for over a year and had thus become hardened in their minds was not something that could be easily changed.

And Ainzel knew that fact deep down.

He stood on the podium, exposing himself without any filters to countless questions and distrustful gazes.

What should I say? He bit his lip. Standing in front of so many people, he didn’t know what to do. His mind felt like a blank sheet of paper. Even though he had already given this speech countless times. Even though he had told them to follow him and sacrifice their lives more than once. Just the fact that he couldn’t turn back made the value of his life feel heavy. That was why he was afraid.

What should I say to those who look at me with distrust?

He sat there for a while, his body pierced by the gaze as if he had been pierced by a skewer, and he laughed at himself.

‘When you’re fighting a fight you don’t want to fight, you can say the words that come out easily, but when you actually have to fight, you’re so scared that you can’t even say a word?’

With that thought in mind, he clenched his fist until it bled. Then he finally opened his mouth.

“You can run away.”

Perhaps it was something he had wanted to say to himself. No, it was something he had said to himself countless times. But it was the first time he had said it to anyone else.

“This operation is tantamount to suicide, and anyone who wishes to live a peaceful and comfortable life after this war would be wise to abandon this plan immediately.”

He could not understand what he was saying even though he was talking to himself. He knew it was not good to say this. He knew that he was in a position to show hope. But his nature was saying things that were completely different from those rational things.

“The enemy is strong. Perhaps less than half of them will survive, and you may be the one who dies.”

But still, why am I saying this?

Why do we sing songs of courage and hope for victory, but instead speak of fear and tragedy?

As Ainzel thought so, he suddenly looked at the soldiers looking at him from below the stage. They were all filled with fear and despair, and looked like half-corpses.

…it was the same expression as his past self.

After seeing it, I realized that the reason he was saying this so thoughtlessly was because he was not saying it to others, but to himself.

I realized now that I was able to open my mouth so naturally because I was simply saying the things I had said to myself countless times.

In the past, the first, he was an ordinary person. He was afraid of death and was uncertain about the future. That was why he was weak, and that was why he could only continue his journey by abandoning himself.

But now he had regained what he had in the past. That’s why he could know. He felt all those emotions, how scared he was, how anxious he was, from the same perspective as the soldiers looking at him.

He realized. That was the reason why he couldn’t say such brilliant things like he did when he attacked Grandis. He was not and couldn’t be the same as the shining, empty hero who had completely fallen apart and was only pursuing the end of his mission.

So what should you say?

It was already decided.

Just as he raised himself up, in the same position as them, just as he shouted to himself.

“So it wouldn’t be strange at all if you ran away. But, before you run away, think about it at least once.”

What did he think when he first heard of the Demon King’s strength?

“It may not be half of you who survive, but if you all survive now, it may not be half of those who are precious to you who survive.”

What did he think as he thought about his hometown?

“The enemy is strong. However, the enemy of tomorrow is stronger, and the enemy after the Demon King fully recovers is even stronger.”

What was he thinking as he talked to the spirit of the Holy Sword?

“I’ll say it again. The enemy is strong, and we are hopelessly weak right now. But… I want you to fight.”

I wish you would stand up. I wish you would look around. I wish you would realize that everything around you is something you have to protect. Just like your past self did.

He asked his past selves to grant him all his wishes.

“Those who think of peace after defeating the enemy should run away. This operation is likely to be a disaster, especially for those who want a peaceful and quiet life.”

He closed his eyes. He could no longer watch for reactions, and there was no reason to watch.

“But if you are thinking about the hell that will befall everyone after defeat, then take up your sword. This operation has an extremely slim chance, but it is the only decision that I have made that will lead to victory. There is a high chance of dying a dog’s death, but it is the only way to prevent those precious to you from suffering that fate. If you choose to run away now, the extremely slim chance will become impossible.”

There was a commotion. A different atmosphere flowed among those who were filled with fear and anxiety. Ainzel’s words were not a hymn of victory that would make them forget their fears, but they were telling them why they had to endure between fear and anxiety.

“I don’t want to judge that slim probability as impossible. Even if it seems impossible at first glance, I want to believe it.”

The current him was different from the one who could go back to the past. It felt like he was walking in the darkness, unable to see ahead.

He himself, at the moment, cannot make a slim probability a certainty. Knowing that, he wanted to get his first victory.

I wanted to cover up and decorate my wounds with the joy of protecting everything, with a victory that I had truly achieved with my own hands, not with the result of endless repetition.

And then, Ainzel opened his eyes for the last time and asked the countless people looking at him.

“I’ll tell you for the last time. You can run away.”

But despite those words, the soldiers just quietly looked at him.

And instead of opening their mouths, they responded by drawing their swords.

Their past selves also wanted to win.