The Nature of Possession - Chapter 444



444 – EP.17 The person who should be by his side – 3

***

“I have to give in.”

The world is a tower built on injustice.

Now that I think about it, it seems like an obvious truth, but it actually took me quite a long time to realize this.

I’ve always been the one giving in.

***

“How many part-time jobs do you have?”

My motive was asked.

I folded my fingers and counted the things I was doing.

Cafes, pubs, flyers.

“Me? Three now.”

I answered while shoving my usual snack into my mouth.

From noble mtl dot com

“now?”

“Oh, I have another part-time job starting next week.”

Even while I was munching on something that I couldn’t tell if it was soybean paste soup or soybean paste rice, my eyes were focused on my homework.

“What are you going to do with all that money? Marriage funds?”

“Marriage is not a good thing.”

“Huh? Why? Are you by any chance….”

The eyes of the person sitting across from me narrowed. I let out a small sigh and opened my mouth to clear up the misunderstanding.

“You know my family situation. I’m the only one who makes money.”

“ah….”

“I pay for tuition, transportation, food, and even living expenses. Who would want to marry me?”

“Did… your parents say they were a little sick?”

“Well, not having the will to work is also a painful thing.”

“ah….”

He just lets out an exclamation, as if he has nothing to say. Well, what can he say?

That’s a normal reaction. It’s weird that I reveal my flaws so easily.

“Don’t make that face. There is such a thing as life.”

“Hey, why are you saying that again?”

I looked up from my homework and placed my spoon on my plate at the sound of a soft voice filled with concern.

“It’s just… I feel like I’m living by inertia.”

“inertia?”

“Why is that the case? I could throw everything away, go somewhere where no one can find me, start a new life… I don’t think I’d do that. I’d just live the way I always have, earn money, bring it home, put food on the table, and continue living like that.”

“No. I’m sure something good will happen.”

My friend shook his head and grabbed my hand.

Hearing that confident voice, I felt no sense of relief or comfort.

Because the world is a tower built on unfairness.

***

“Were you there?”

When I entered the house, I saw my father leaning back on the sofa and playing the accompaniment.

It was a very ugly sight, the sun still high in the sky.

“okay.”

I felt the hatred inherent in humanity in the image of my father passing soju with saeukkang.

“I’ll go in.”

Just as I was about to enter my room, my father’s voice stopped me.

“Do you have any money saved up these days?”

The tone of speech that was left to one’s own devices.

“why?”

As always, a curt response.

“If you ask a question, you should answer first. Don’t ask why.”

Each and every one of these speeches grates on my nerves.

“I gave you living expenses, didn’t I?”

My words, of course, do not come out nicely.

“Would you mind answering my question?”

With thoughtless training,

“There are about a hundred.”

There is only a resigned answer.

“Let me use that.”

“Where are you?”

“I have some things to do, Dad. I have to meet people here and there and talk about business.”

“It’s been several years since you said you were planning a business.”

“Do business ideas come out all at once? First, build connections…”

“Aren’t we just gathering together and drinking soju?”

An ashtray passes by my ear.

The cheap plastic hit the wall and fell to the floor with a loud noise.

My father, his face flushed red, glared at me with a grin.

I looked at his face as if I was looking at an assignment.

Deep wrinkles, a sallow complexion, bloodshot eyes.

The strong smell of alcohol that I can smell even from a distance makes me feel disgusted.

There was a time when I tried to understand my family.

There was a time when I tried to raise this family from the swamp.

Because we’re family.

Because it was passed down through nature.

I thought I had to take responsibility for my father, mother, and younger sibling.

So I tried.

To catch two rabbits, family and future, I used my youth as fuel.

But it’s like pouring water into a bottomless pit.

After I got a job at a company, I ate triangle kimbap cut into three pieces for meals.

But at some point, a question arose.

Why me?

Why should I work for this family?

Why do you take my sacrifice for granted?

What on earth is my life?

***

The world is a tower built on injustice, but I thought there was hope somewhere.

That’s what happened to the guy I met at work.

When I saw his pure passion, it felt like my world-weary heart was being healed.

I also had a romantic curiosity about him. I won’t deny that.

But, since I am a person with a conscience, I just kept that feeling quiet.

Because no one would promise a future with a woman with a complicated family history.

I just wanted to be around someone who gave me a bright and warm energy, and receive that energy for a little longer.

***

There is no hope.

My head is spinning with the bizarre truth that the person I had in mind was not that person.

The new world that appeared when I opened my eyes was a series of shocks and an overlap of the unknown.

[You said that existence is covered by ice.]

[Then, have you ever thought that maybe your heart is fake?]

A woman with gleaming red eyes spoke to me.

I denied it, but the truth is I knew.

The person I was curious about is no longer there.

The fact is that I’m chasing after someone I don’t know at all.

haha…

Why does this happen?

I don’t think I lived that badly.

Why do I always have to be subject to such unfairness?

really….

It’s too much.